Removing the Shackles of “Best Wishes”???

The MASH-UP: Our best wishes for others (not to be confused with Good Intentions) can keep people from being their authentic self with us.

image I seldom describe myself as “judgmental.” I’m not perfect and as we all know ‘THOUGHTS turned to WORDS’ is a familiar process for me. Yet consciously I practice the art of muting my opinion and increasing my listening even if the conversation raises my “internal” eyebrow.

In a conversation I was having with a dear friend, JL, yesterday, she said – and I’m paraphrasing – all the best wishes I had for a relative were in fact judgements that keeps them from being their authentic self with me. I understood her to say that the energy of wishing a “better” life for someone comes across as a lack of acceptance of their current life, possibly even judgement.

HELP ME FINISH THIS BLOG: I can’t conclude whether I agree with her or not but I sense there is some truth there. Leave a comment… then I’ll finish this blog resolute that best wishes for a different/better life are still a go, rethinking my relationship, or some where in the middle.

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4 thoughts on “Removing the Shackles of “Best Wishes”???

  1. Hmmmmm I think there are genuine “best wishes” and then there are judgements disguised as “best wishes.” I am not sure there is pathology to be seen in either. Whether you wish the best for someone who has good health, great support and stable finances or for someone who is drug addicted, tolerant of an abusive relationship, or had dropped out of school (the latter being clearly unfavorable), the outcome is the same. I wish the best. A judgement is a formed opinion to which we are all entitled. It is the responsibility, in my opinion, of the well wishers to look within themselves and determine the place from which these wishes derive and be conscious of how it may come across to the recipient. Are we so wrapped in our opinion/judgement of another’s life that our frustrations/disappointments are evident thus disallowing the recipient to reveal their authentic self? If so, then thats the problem.

    1. I read your response and thought “WHO ARE YOU???? AND WHY DON’T YOU HAVE A BLOG?” But I know exactly who you are and keep you very close in my life. In listening to you and JL I think I was being prompted to go through the process you described: “It is the responsibility, in my opinion, of the well wishers to look within themselves and determine the place from which these wishes derive and be conscious of how it may come across to the recipient.”

      That was the missing piece because I genuinely didn’t judge my relative but I think at one point my moment of “disappointment” could have felt like judgement to him.

  2. Lorraine is on point there. I also thought the answer lies within the well wisher. I confess to not necessarily wishing someone well but it being the best possible response in certain situations. It really made me stop and think for a moment.

    What I liked best is being entitled to my own judgments. I find that crucial. The key, for me at least, is not to pass those judgments off on others. It is often a struggle for me not to show my “judgment” in my words and more often in my actions. I do try to wish people well even when I see their actions as ill-advised, inappropriate, or plain stupid. I will consider it more deeply when I wish the next person well.

    1. Sure thing, MW! It is about being self-aware and that self-awareness sometimes causes us to change/adjust or reinforces the need to be resolute… either way… thinking and processing is required! Thanks for sharing!!!

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