Learning to Get Out of Dead End Exchanges with My BF (and everyone else)

THE MASH-UP: The Solutions to the Problems in My Life are related to Two of My Choices: 1. To Drink (Living) Water  and 2. To Get OFF the Hamster Wheel.

The Hamster Wheel is a metaphor for those circular, Dead End exchanges that keep creeping in amidst the good ones with the BF.

Don’t judge me. You know the ones: the conversations where you ask yourself at the end “how’d we even get here?” Conversations where both parties were like drowning non-swimmers – not meaning to pull the BF/GF down into your funk but NOT knowing how NOT to.

But I heard a message that reminded me of the Power of Having (Living) Water, which is a metaphor for letting God into my life so that He waters perpetually the “solution seeds” already planted in me. 


The Kingdom of God is God’s remedy to make right every thing that is wrong in life.

I said to myself, “FIX IT, LORD.” I’ll admit it… I did do the old church lady rock from side to side and said in a preacher’s voice, Glory to God (pronounced Glo-ray da Gawd). That was until I heard the personal accountability part of the message: The Kingdom of God is designed first to happen to you, then through you. God’s remedy for all things that are wrong in and around your life is IN YOU!

What???? I (Sherrie) was how God chose to fix it! God’s personal message to me:

  1. Stop reacting to the rules of that game. The Hamster wheel game was never intended to satisfy you, and never intended for you to win. The rules say that in the heat of a moment you have to keep the rhythm of whatever is happening: Defend/attack if you feel attacked; react ugly if something catches you off guard that makes you uneasy. Get out of that cycle. Let Me (GOD) WATER YOU from the inside so that you have what you need to act differently. You can have a new internal make-up.
  2. Commit & surrender to a new, truer reality. You were not designed to simply RESPOND. You were designed to PRODUCE, CREATE, HEAL… Experiencing perfect, unconditional love, peace, and joy that’s YOUR reality. That is where you will be satisfied, clear, and perpetually watered. The feelings of uncertainty and unsettledness will rest in its proper place – and that is not with you. It’s going to seem out of place and even stump those still operating on the wheel – especially when you choose NOT to. But you’ll have peace in your choice. It won’t seem out of place to you. The more you allow this new reality to overtake you and control you, the more you will have to overflow on others. You have A DESIRE to love, a desire for peace, a desire for joy but without experiencing those things perfectly and completely you could not give it. SELAH.

THE RESULTS: Let’s be real, the BF and I still argue and have dead end exchanges but I am no longer a “victim” of those. I acknowledge my contribution to them. I am becoming more keenly aware of recognizing the dead end hamster wheel exchanges and I’m choosing more often than not TO GET OFF. Every day I am surrendering to the Kingdom of God reality where I PRODUCE, CREATE, HEAL and that is creating a PEACE IN ME…


3 thoughts on “Learning to Get Out of Dead End Exchanges with My BF (and everyone else)

  1. Getting off the “wheel” of the mundane is life altering but such a difficult task.

    On another note, It must be an interesting conversation between you and the BF; the one in which you inform him that either he or the ills of the relationship will be the topic of discussion in an upcoming piece. Wow!

    1. SIDE BAR: Maybe you are reading this and saying, “she keeps talking about her relationship and her BF.” Well there are two reasons for that: First I’m energized by healthy relationships and the process of getting there (see “David Abigail, Inc”). Second, my BF and I are going through major growth spurts as individuals and as a couple so I believe deeply in sharing my journey so that others may be encouraged or glean in some way.

      My buddy, Rick, used a phrase that resonates with me “ills of relationship.” Relationship don’t inherently have ills in my opinion, the individuals do. I make it a point to identify my own and actively work with God on it. I can’t write my BF’s story but I do share my life lessons and the role he plays in those… never to bash or berate.

      As for vetting, no vetting. He knows about the all my writings where he makes “makes an appearance.” He can follow the blog but no vetting/ pre-post conversations. It’s on the table for conversation though if he wants…

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