Today is Officially – THANK AN Ex DAY!

For-someone-else

THE MASH-UP: GOOD RELATIONSHIPS have EX-es TO THANK!

This is going to be a short post so stay focused — :-).

I used to say,

“I’d be pissed if I “fix up” a man for some other sister to get him.”

However, when I reflect on my own “brokenness” that brothers-of-yesterYears fixed/endured so I could be a better woman to men-of-today ——————- THE UNIVERSE SEEMS TO BE BALANCING WELL. In retrospect, I don’t think people “fix” other people anyway. Some relationships just give us the space we need to mess up so we can learn what not to do the next time.

I said this in one of my last posts: I’m not convinced there are ills of relationships so much as there are ills of people in relationships.

So conversely, there are no inherently healthy relationships, simply healthy people in relationships. That being said, I know I’m a better dater today than when I started dating. When I look back at the things that I did then but don’t do now for the most part I have an EX to thank.

For many of my unhealthy personal habits that I just did not see when I was single or first dating there is an EX-boyfriend that suffered through it and complained about it and ultimately I saw “uh ohhh that’s a relationship ending move.”

So to all my EX-es (many ending amicably, one in a stalemate of silence but hopefully not hatred), my husband-to-be and I thank you! For obvious reasons, EX-es get a bad wrap but I am a better person because I worked out some of my -ish with you. Maybe, just maybe, you all can say the same about me.

For kicks, here are some of my bad personal habits that have frustrated EXes:

constantly speaking in metaphors and saying NOTHING because I had a hard time sharing my feelings; going “dark” aka disappearing without warning; not calling to say when I arrived safely to a new state; not liking to answer questions (still working on that); and lately I’ve discovered I was secretly spiteful (at least it was a secret to me – I really didn’t realize that’s what I was being). ~~~ don’t judge me ;-).

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13 thoughts on “Today is Officially – THANK AN Ex DAY!

  1. Hey! I love it! You are very transparent which will invite God to mold you man! (Woman!) I love how you listed your bad habits. You deserve the very best because you are the very best. Here’s a pat on your back for releasing the baggage! You also deserve at least one of my homemade chocolate chip walnut cookies tomorrow.

    1. Thanks Tan! As I heal, I share! Every day more and more, I’m convinced the weaknesses/errors I can’t talk about are the ones that still have me shackled … and God wants me healed, whole, free, and on to speaking life. I receive your best wishes and chocolate chip walnut cookies!!! 😀

  2. I had to read this one and let it sit and then skim it again. I’m not so sure I can be this positive on this subject. My past relationships have given me a wealth of knowledge but they left me with baggage that wasn’t there before. But I do thank many of my exes for leaving as they were only for a time and a reason both of which had run out but I was too naive, afraid, or in denial to realize. For me the biggest thing they taught me is how to be more “human.” That’s a blog in and of itself. Cheers to the past and attempting to leaving it there!

    1. Hey Su! First of all, lmbo at “thanking them for leaving.” Too funny!!! The concepts of humanness is so profound to me (you’ll see that topic in my post today). My “thankful” reflections on my EXes are by no means the only reflections, I could “ring a neck or two”. Yet I had a moment where I remembered I’m not only left with baggage at the end of some relationships- but (un)intentionally I leave others with some also because I was still growing. 😉

      1. I might need to sit and think about what baggage I left others because the egomaniac in me (I’m working on that part slowly) must have left something. 😉

      2. Lol! I would have never discovered the spiteful thing if I didn’t get called out AND take the time to see rather than deny. (not everything he called spiteful was so but some were… and I would have never known.

  3. yes yes yes, the ones you cannot speak of are the ones that will be the hardest to overcome but the first step is to admit to and work on those that you are able to discuss even if it is only with yourself. The rest will come and this is a life process. Its funny because we dont know where are weaknesses lie until we are pairedw ith another and start to see outrselves in an entirely new like because of that comparison. I am always boggled by things I hear about myself. In my current relationship, Im noticing alot of my mistakes and flaws but in prior relationships, I learned what I was willing to accept and what I deserved. I think the biggest and saddest thing I learned about myself is I was willing to forego my own happiness and maybe even my identity to please another who wasnt willing to do that for me. Now I fight to keep it, sometimes even to the detriment of my current relationship because I realize you can be you, he can be himself and you guys and the two can compliments each other and enhance each other by being together. Kudos on sharng. I love relationship discussions ad your posts always make me reflect on my own… keep ’em coming!

    1. I just love your reflections! They make me think of my own. I know I have struggled with the keeping my own identity too. It was one of the biggest lessons I have EVER learned!

    2. Hey Lorraine! Good to “see” you on this post. Wholeheartedly I agree that weaknesses shows more pronounced in contrast to something/one else.

      You’re going to see this quote in my post today… “see self, choose self, share self”©.

      That’s how I’m shaping my life of late. Read my post “The Best Me and the Mess Me” later today I expound upon your second to last line.

      I’ll keep them coming… you all keep reading, reflecting, & replying. 😉

  4. I understand where you are coming from Rie. I can thank and Ex for breaking me down so that I can learn my own worth. I can thank another for teaching me how to love. I can also thank an Ex for teaching me that time is the most valuable commodity that you can give to any human being.

    1. Hey Seth!!! Word. I’m going to take a guess that the Ex that taught you how to love probably didn’t receive your best love because you were “learning” but you’re wife is the Benefactor!

  5. I just read this blog a few mins…. But I know you posted this last year, after reading it three times, lol… I started to cry, not because I hated it, but because I can truly agree with with everything that you wrote……life has a funny way of teaching us things/lessons HUH!

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